Without You
by Cloud Albatou
Summary: AU:A certine silver-haired Yami gained all that he desired and more...what of his Hikari?
1. Without You

A.n.-I heard this song, and Ryou and Bakura just instantly came to mind^_^I hope you like it^_^Remeber, in this Song-fic Bakura has gained ultimate power, meaning he has all 7 items. ALL of them. Including the Puzzle. Enjoy the fic^_~  
  
Disclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "Without You" by the Dixie Chicks.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~I'm sure enjoyed the rain  
But I'm looking' forward to the sun  
You have to feel the pain  
When you lose the love you gave someone~  
  
~I thought that time would take away  
These lonely tears  
I hope your doin' fine all alone  
Where do I go from here?~  
  
The velvet night covered the resurrected kingdom with a crushing embrace. The star speckled sky glowed brightly as though to taunt the dead of night. My silver hair glinted in the moonlight as I squeezed slowly through the multiple hallways and up through a pathway of stairs leading to a secluded room.  
  
I moved slowly, careful not to make too much noise though I doubted anyone would hear me down here. Tears stung at my eyes and already I could feel my chest growing taunt with the tears that would soon flow heedlessly. I climbed out slowly onto the window ledge and grabbed the roof edge with a vice-like grip.  
  
I hefted myself up easily, as I had done many a night before. I laid back on the hard stone of my favorite spot and at last aloud my sobs to take me. I'd come here many a night to simply allow my pain to escape, let it flow out completely instead of bottling it up like I was forced to while the sun was high in the sky.  
  
The bitter taste of loneliness and weakness was sultry on my tongue as I stared up at the dark sky. Today marked the sixth year of rule of my darker half. Of the day when he at last gained ultimate control over the Sennen Items and of the world. Back then I hadn't thought it possible. Hadn't thought that Yami Yuugi could ever possibly be outwitted enough for my other half to gain the Puzzle.... along with the Pharaoh's soul and the other powers incased within it.  
  
My Yami now had powers beyond imagination, had all that he desired for so very long. Centuries of plotting and miss-deeds had not been spent in vain. He'd gained all he'd desired. Everything he'd tried for so very long was his own. Ultimate power to destroy, to give life, to make a demon army appear out of nowhere was all his.  
  
He was immortal; he was un-stoppable. Maybe that is the way its suppose to be, I don't know. But it doesn't really matter anymore. He's forgotten me, I believe. After all, I was just a body for him to use while he was collecting the Items. The instant he had them all he was able to create a form outside of me.  
  
The thought hurts really. That I was simply a tool to be used quickly and tossed away--broken, useless. I love him. He knows. Doesn't really give a damn though. I'm not surprised really. He always called me weak and unworthy of even being a *slave* to him. Maybe he was right. Or perhaps all this time by myself after having Him in the back of my mind for so long has sent me off into the spiraling abyss of madness.   
  
I don't know, and to be honest I don't really care anymore.  
  
~'Cuz without you I'm not okay  
And without you I've lost my way  
My heart's stuck in second place  
Ohh, without you~  
  
It's so ironic really. All of this. So bitterly ironic. My Yami had ranted and raged for so long; spending his every moment plotting revenge and his steps toward ultimate power.... and in the end it all paid off. Funny that. Ever since I was a child I read in fairy tales and such that "light over comes all." We were always told that their was a happy ending out there for everyone with a shred of goodness in them. That the hero will always defeat villain.   
  
Meaningless, simple words that I know now were simply lies. Lies told to blind us in our innocence.   
  
I winced at my own thoughts and rolled over on my side, feeling the hard rock scrap my unguarded flesh at the sudden movement. The pain was distant, as most things had become since my Yami's victory and my loss. That is rather ironic as well. My "friends" would have thought I'd rejoice at the small fact that I no longer have him with me every second of every bloody day. That it would be a small light side on these turn of events.  
  
Wrong.   
  
So very wrong. I miss him, really. Sure, he smacked me around now and then. Sometimes brought me more physical/mental pain then any being would have thought possible.... but he was, and still is, my Yami. My darker half. The other part of my Soul. You can't exactly expect him to be as gentle to me as... well...Yuugi's Yami was to him...But then no two people are a like, nor it seems or the darker halves of ones soul.  
  
We're yin and yang, two halves of the same puzzle. Neither is complete without the other--or at least I'm not complete without him. I miss him. I want him back here...with me. Selfish of me perhaps to think this way. After all, the world has been plunged into the darkened rule of a sociopath spirit from Ancient Egypt and here I am wanting him simply to be at my side again just because I feel an aching incompleteness riveting through out my very soul.  
  
I can't help it though. I miss him so much. Even when he hit me around a few times...there had been nights...precious moments frozen forever in my heart...when things had been different. When he had been...so kind to me. More then anyone in my life has ever been. When he had appeared out of the Ring one night just to.... hold me. Just to hold me in his arms.   
  
Even now I can remember that sweet, spicy scent that had clung to him. How he had felt so warm against me. How his lips had been liquid fire against my own as his hands had roamed over my body for the first time in a none force-full manner. The way he had responded when I had hesitantly returned the caresses...the time when he had held me so close...so lovingly...  
  
Those were the moments I lived for back then. And they were the only hope I had left anymore. The only shining beckon that remained for me in this hell on earth. It had been rare that he'd ever done that though. He'd never whispered words of undying love, though such words burned in my heart for him.  
  
Those were the only times though that I knew that he.... cared about me...even if only a little. Sure the next day things went back to the routine of his being malicious to me...but those moments when he was with me that way...when he was so kind...those are what kept me alive; What kept me from taking a pathway out of this world.  
  
~Well I never thought I'd be  
Layin' here without you by my side  
Its seems unreal to me  
That the life you promised was lie~  
  
~You made it look so easy   
Makein' love into memory  
Guess you got what you wanted  
What about me?~  
  
I suppose none of that really matters anymore. I guess none of that really matters anymore. Its not like he's suddenly going to appear and wrap his arms around me again. He got what he wanted I guess. Control over all the Items and riding himself of his worthless -Aibou-...me. I sound bitter, don't I?  
  
Maybe I am after all this time. It wouldn't surprise me. Aren't most mad people a little bitter anyway from the beginning? I wrapped my arms around myself loosely. Abruptly I heard the sound of soft, commanding footsteps making their way across the hard stone. In an instant my every muscle had frozen my breath was coming in ragged gasps.  
  
Placing a hand over my mouth to halt the noise I peeked over the side, using the shadows to keep myself hidden from the figure I knew lay below. Silver hair a few shades darker then my own gleamed in the light of the moon, piercing brown orbs of remarkable intensity surveyed the area with a mask of indifference.  
  
His movements were that of complete deadly grace, his beauty defying the mask of anger that welled in his soul. So cruelly beautiful...just as I remembered really. The sight of him made my heart thud loudly in my chest, my blood pounding in my ears as I stared forward at him. My hands ached to simply touch him again. To feel his bare soul entertained so close to my own. To hear the sound of his voice trickling through my mind....  
  
Still...it had been so long...so very long. I've wandered through the passageways far below his kingdom, lived each day alone and slipping away further into hysteria. I'd forgotten what it felt like to smile, to feel bubbly laughter of happiness bursting through me. Life, utter life seemed to fill me just by seeing him. All those things I'd lost bursted through me.  
  
The rough edges of the world I'd seen diminished just by being in his unknowing presence once again. A love so great that I couldn't even feel the first impact of it. The after shocks of it freezing me solid. Tears made their selves known and dribbled coldly down my cheeks. I didn't bother to move to wipe them away. Allowing them to flow like a steady river from my eyes.  
  
I love him. I love him so much...but what happens if he finds me here? What will he do? Make do with his threats from long ago and end my existence? Simply laugh at me, smack me for being weak and allowing my tears full reign? Or maybe...just maybe...would he wrap his arms around me and hold me so close...like he did in those rare, precious moments long ago...would he?  
  
I jerked out of my reverie as I saw him stop, his body stiffing. I moved silently farther away from the edge. Breaking my gaze away from him as I relied on my other senses to tell me if he was getting closer.  
  
~'Cuz without you I'm not okay  
And without you I've lost my way  
My heart's stuck in second place  
Ohh, without you~  
  
~Somebody tell my head   
To try and tell my heart  
That I'm better off without you  
'Cuz baby I can't live~  
  
Nothing.   
  
No sounds of his voice, not the sounds of his climbing up to find me. Nothing. Only the sounds of his footsteps walking away. I listened with a heavy heart at such a thing. He was walking away from me again.... leavening me so unknowingly...but it hurt. Oh, yes, it did hurt. I'm his Hikari, and he's my Yami.  
  
One being in two, I wanted only to yell out my presence and throw myself into my arms. Without him by my side everything's different, I can't live without him. All I want is to be with him....  
  
Abruptly I felt it.   
  
His aura. So close, so near. Nearly choking me with its dark embrace. A tear rolled down my cheek as I realized he hadn't left, but had been deluding me into believing he had. He was climbing up the railing.  
  
I didn't move.   
  
Didn't bother for a minute. Time froze as I rose slowly and crept to the other side of the small tower I knew so well. Quickly I lowered myself down and dropped soundlessly to the ground. Quickly I grabbed the ragged robe I'd been wearing and pulled the hood up to hide myself slightly...the darkness of the night would do the rest to aid me.  
  
I ran through the courtyard, hiding behind a pillar just as I saw my Yami make it up to the top of the tower I'd been on seconds before. He stood atop it, the moonlight splashing him with a godly look. My heart was in my chest as I stared at him, loving him silently from afar.  
  
At last I turned and ran away, ran away from everything I'd wanted for so very long. Cowardice was sultry on my tongue as I went. But I didn't stop. Didn't stop to take a breath until I made it to the underground rout I'd taken to get up in the first place I dropped down through a latter and made my way through the darkened passageways I knew as well as the back of my hand.  
  
I soon made it to a deserted chamber buried deep beneath the majestic castle. It was a place for those meant to be forgotten more or less. People like me I suppose. If only it could make me forget as well.  
  
No.  
  
I'd not give up my memories of my Yami for anything...or anyone. Pain comes with love, the former may be greater but I'd not give it up for any prize the gods could offer me. I lowered myself to the rags I'd pilled in a corner as a makeshift bed and fell into an uneasy sleep...my dreams both haunted and blessed with the dark angel called my Yami...  
  
  
  
~Without you I'm no okay  
Without I've lost my way  
My heart's stuck in second place  
Ohh, without you~  
  
~Without you...~  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-Well, what didja all think? This was more or less written on a whim...I doona know if its any good or not...however, I hope you liked it^_^If you all want I can add another chappie telling Bakura-chan's p.o.v.... only if you want me to that is^_^ 


	2. I Didn't Want To Need You

A.n.-^_^Gomen for the wait on this, I've been busy lately...plus I have a bad tendancy to start new fics when I'm still working on others...gomen, I'll try to type faster though^_~  
  
I must say though, I'm suprised that ya'all liked this fic so much^_^I dinna expect such high demands for another chappie to be honost^_^Arigatou for your support minna!^_~It really means a lot for me to hear your comments!^_^_^_^  
  
Dissclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "I Didn't Want To Need You" by Heart.  
  
Dedication-Freydra, Draggy, Dreamchaser149, CrystalDraygon98, Starkitty, Kelly, Lily22, Asian Angel 12, Hurry up, R Amythest, Kotiro, Guess, Green Ring on my Finger, Psycho Mime, Yami-chan, The Evil Laugh, FireDragon97, Kako, Jada Flame, Amanda, Spirt, Bird, sTaR SNipEr, Vampire Huntress D, Digital_Valkyrie, and Aiko.^_^Domo Arigatou minna for your reviews!!^_^_^_^_^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~Baby, I never gave my heart to anyone oh no  
I used to think that love was a game  
I used to make it just for fun, oh yea~  
  
~When we spent the night together  
It didn't mean that it ment that much  
Now I just can't live without your touch~  
  
Its so bitterly ironic really.   
  
I've gained everything I strived for. Everything I spent centeries planing for is mine. The world lays in the palm of my hand, every pathatic being on it is bended to my very will. The power I've thirsted for is at last my own. And yet...i'm not satisfied. It was a game, a simple game and I've won yet the prize isn't completely in my likeing.  
  
I've twisted the world into what i've wanted, shaped it into my very desires. Yet...i'm not happy. And its all *HIS* fault, damnit. Everything was fine untill his compassionet soul stumbled upon me. I hate his sweet smile, I hate his innocently sexy eyes, I hate his--oh, who am I trying to fool now?   
  
I didn't want this.   
  
I didn't want to care about him beyond needing him as a vessle to acomplish what I needed.  
  
Ra, why in the hell did you have to make sure the Ring fell into my Hikari reincarnation? Of all bloody people in the world WHY him? Why not some snivileing evil being that I could use guiltlessly for my own whims? I growled in frustration, throwing the silken covers off me and riseing from the warm bed.   
  
I couldn't sleep. But then, sleep has often eluded me since this began. This obsession. This...feeling deep down. Standing up I looked around the room with sharp unfeeling eyes. The rooms a golden yellow mixed with reds and blacks, each and every part of it worthy of the Pharaoh I've become. I've trumped them all and yet everything...everything i've obtained means less then nothing anymore.  
  
What are material possesions when he's not here?  
  
Not at my side where he belongs.  
  
He's mine, just as everything eles in this Realm is my own.   
  
Yet, the one thing I have...the one thing I desire above all...isn't here anymore. And even if he was, I couldn't have him. The mere rememberence stung and began to pace around the room. My feet sinking warmly into the plush carpets strung about. I'd re-modeled the world into a more or less Ancient Egypt theme from my time before I recieved the Ring those many years ago.  
  
Ironic that now it is I that sits upon the throne.   
  
The throne that is rightfully mine that is.   
  
Everything in this damnable world that I want and I'm not pleased. Far from it.   
  
I ran my fingers across the coldness of the Sennen Ring. Lately I can't stop touching it, can't stop reliveing the memories of my Hikari who released me from my eternele damnation within it. So innocent, so infiently kind...so weak was he. But he was, and still is, my spinless little weakling. And if anyone in this Realm has *dared* to harm in any way then they'll be faceing my wrath for the next decade or so.  
  
Still, I wonder whats happened to him over these long years. He's not dead, I know that. I'd of felt his life being snuffed out...I know I would have. We're still two halves of the same soul. We're one, and can never be other wise. No matter how much power I've obtained he's still my Hikari...and I'm still his Yami. Nothing can change that. Ever.   
  
I curled my fingers around the edge of the Sennen Ring and turned to stand by the balcony. Its funny really, how I fought so hard just to get away from him and now all I want is for him to be back. At my side, in my arms...where he belongs. Where he will always belong. I feared him back then, something I wouldn't every admit to anyone no matter what. Not that many would belive that, and I'm sure if the Pharaoh ever heard it he'd laugh his arrogent ass off.  
  
Its true though, I did fear him. He saw everything with such unblemished purity. Always saw light in a world that is as corrupted cesspull of insanity. Saw light in even *me* of all people. He feared me, Ra yes he did. But he also cared about me. Loved me even back then with an unconditional sort of grasp.  
  
It frightened me.  
  
Scared me that such a boy would dare even to have such feelings for me. Any other would have tried to fight back, would have loathed me with every fiber in their being--but not him. Never Ryou, hate wasn't a sort of emotion that sung through his veins like carelessly spilled blood. It wasn't a sort of feeling that he embraced, and most likely he never would feel such a thing.  
  
He was part of the reason I tried so hard to gather all the Items. Not just so I could conquest the world and defeat the vows of the hypocracy that had damned me to five thousand years in the darkness. I wanted to protect him, if I controled all then of course I'd be able to protect him from anything and anyone. None would dare stand against me now. Fearing my wrath that would fall merclessly upon them should they dare to try.  
  
I suppose I failed at that as well.  
  
I don't even know where he is really. Oh, I know he's close. I can feel the pure white waves of his aura tingling against my senses. It drives me mad to feel him so close, the haunting touch of his soul so near...yet so far away at the same time. Frustrating really.  
  
I never cared about anyone before I meet him. Back in Ancient Egypt Ishtal had been my comrade in raiding Tombs becouse together we were unstopable, apart we were formidable but together none could catch us. Overconfidense had been or folly when we were captured by the Pharaoh's Gaurds. I suppose our robbing Yugioh's father's Tomb was a more personal insult to him.  
  
I sighed and rested my hands on the stone banister of my balcony. So many things changed that night. Me and Ishtal's entrance into the Shadow Games as we'd stolen two of the Sennen Items and half-way mastered their powers and so many other things that set the uncontrollable powers of destiny into play.  
  
Maybe it was almost worth it if it brought me here, almost.   
  
I'd almost give all this up if I could simply touch him again. Run my fingers across his satin skin one more time, smell the sweet scent that had always clung to him...  
  
I shook my head slightly.  
  
I must be going soft after all this time.   
  
I don't know really, its hard to know much of anything any more.  
  
~I didn't want to need you, oh no  
I didn't want you like I do  
I didn't mean to fall  
I didn't want to care at all  
I didn't want to need you, no no   
Like I need you now~  
  
~Oh, I can't get no sleep  
'Cause I keep thinkin' about you  
All through the night, oh yea~  
  
It shouldn't matter really, he shouldn't matter a whit to me. But he does though, maybe he always will. Damn emotions, I thought I'd lost them after all this time. Pushed them back so far that they could never rise again. A foolish hope I suppose. Even an Immortal God has feelings. An unfortuent slight really.   
  
Back when Ryou had been at my side there had been nights when I'd given into temptation and simply held him in my arms, tasted his lips with a gentle frenzy that out of place with my demenor. Easily I can recall the tangy tast of him, the feel of his skin against mine as he'd gifted me with pleasures reserved for saints and not sinners.  
  
I'm no angel, and I never will be such--never claimed to be one either. I'm a damned soul and I never believed a thing would change that. But looking in his eyes dureing those moments...he looked at me with a look of pure open love really. A cleanseing, deep, perfectly unblemished feeling really.   
  
My arms ache to hold him again...to feel his soft form pressed against my own once more...I shook my head wildly, grabbing a glass trinket from a nearby table I threw it at the wall. Glass exploaded every where, but the minor form of destruction failed to sedate the burning anger that had ignited within me.  
  
I hate this.   
  
I really do. I don't think I've ever hated anything as much as I hate this feeling. I'm so helpless against it...and theres nothing I despise more then not being in conrol of something about myself. I've never truely meet my match at anything. I was the best Tomb Raider in the history of Egypt, I was notories of my cut-throat tendancy. I struck fear in the hearts of thousands by simply hearing my name.   
  
The Shadow Games I tormented Yugioh back then were exactly that: A game. A simple, tiny game that I felt so very confident that I would win. That I could finaly get the high n' mighty bastard to step down off his high-horse and accept the fact that just becouse he held the power of a god, he wasn't as all-powerful as he thought he was.  
  
I never thought Yugioh would go so far as to seal up the Shadow Games though. Never thought he'd have the balls to do it really. After all, such a thing would require his own life. Something I thought he would be too cowardly to do. Foolish of me, I should have known that just to spite me he'd do it.  
  
And he did. Sealed Ishtal, himself, and me within the Items for five thousand years. Ironic that he intened for incarceration to be eternal that it was trumped by a simple, weak, boy...my Hikari. My other half. The only one in this world or the next that can ever complete me. Ever.  
  
That some sort of beautiful irony to that really.  
  
That Yugioh was so smug about my "defeat" only to have the other me destroy his curse some five thousand years later.  
  
Deliciousely sweet.   
  
Just like revenge.   
  
Just like my rein.  
  
Almost.  
  
It could be better...if Aibou was here that is...Abruptly I felt it. A simple, twinge of pain in the back of my mind. A cold stab of agony, the echoeing crys of hope forever lost. Of insanty slowly caveing in. A pure white aura sootheingly close...acheingly near....  
  
~My eyes can't wait to see you again  
And my arms can't wait to hold you tight, oh yea~  
And when your layin' here beside me  
I never thought this could ever be~  
  
~I didn't want to need you, oh no  
I didn't want to want you like I do  
I didn't mean to fall  
I didn't want to care at all  
I didn't want to need you, no no  
Like I need you now~  
  
My heart lept into my throat, my blood pounded feverishly in my veins. Without a thought I threw myself gracefuly over the ledge of the balcony and landed soundlessly on the stone ground. Desite my resolve not to, I could feel a stubburn burning of hope and happiness riseing in me...I hadn't felt this good in a long time really...  
  
I felt a smile tugging at my lips as I hurried down the cement floor out into the open of my courtyard. The moon was full and high in the sky, burning down with a liquid silver light that glowed my pathway as bright as the sun would have. Suddenly my ears pricked up at the sound of soft cries riveting through the air. Broken, heart-wrenching...they cried out to a world of malic who didn't give a damn.  
  
I walked softly forward, my eyes narrowing on a large tower that streatched high toward the star-lit sky. I heard some light scrapping above, the cries halting abruptly as a flash of white appeared on the edge of it. Ryou...My Hikari.  
  
I could feel his conisness on the edge of my own. Feel the panic that sweeping through the young one at being so near to me. Blinding, skittish fear. And also...something eles...was that relife I felt from my other half? A fleeting happiness perhapes? Smirking slightly I turned and made sure to make my footsteps heavy as I went back the way I'd come.  
  
I wasn't leaveing him, of course. I was merely trying to...hide my precence for the moment so he wouldn't run away--and if he knew I what I was planning that is exactly what he would do. I know my Hikari's nature, better perhapes then he himself does. Flating myself against the far wall I turned around and crept back toward the tower, sheltering my form in the few shadows that filled my courtyard.  
  
My blood pumped firm and steady through my veins, excitement surgeing through me at the fact that I was so close to a reunion with my other half and the fact that this was so remensisnt of robbing Tombs back when the Pharaoh was haveing his rein. Enough of that though, all that mattered was that in a matter of secouds my Hikari would be back in my arms...where he belonged.  
  
I ran deftly over to the tower and began to climb up it useing the foot-holds in the large stones to aid me. I heard the sounds of harsh breathing above....I was *so* close....  
  
I pulled myself up ontop to find..........  
  
Nothing...  
  
He wasn't there. I stood in the center of the tower, tears of betrayle burning in my eyes. How *dare* he run away. How could he leave me? How could he taunt me with his precence only to vanish?   
  
~I've always been free   
To leave when I wanted to leave  
But not any more~  
  
~I didn't want to need you, no no  
I didn't want to want you like I do  
I didn't mean to fall  
I didn't want to care at all  
I didn't want to need you, no no~  
  
~I didn't wanna want you like I do   
I didn't mean to fall   
I didn't wanna care at all  
I didn't want to need you, no no~  
  
I looked around the courtyard below me blindly, searching for *something* eles so show me he was close. To prove that he hadn't gone away...nothing. Not even a footprint in the ground to show he'd been there. This was so unfair. So blindingly unfair. I dropped down to my knees, hiting the harsh stone with my fist repeatedly.   
  
The pain was dull, barely there really. My breath entered and left my lungs harshly, breathing out into the night air with ragged gasps. Why did this have to happen to me? No one has ever ment this much to me...ever. I've never been caged my this sort of desire in my life. And if it ever did touch me it always left after a few sun rises and sets. Why did this remain?  
  
Why did the mere feeling of his precence haunt me so? Why did it have to *hurt* like this? How could he, a mere mortal, do this to me? HOW?  
  
I forced myself to my feet and jumped down off the tower and made my way back to my room. Once there I collapsed on the soft bed and curled into a fetal position.  
  
I hate him for this.  
  
I truely do.   
  
Because if I don't hate him....then maybe I....  
  
No! No, I can't....not that emotion...that would be the fatal kiss of death for me. I can't feel *that* for him...I...I'll forget him eventually. He's no different from my lovers in a past blown away by the passage of time.   
  
I closed my eyes, cringing as I felt tears fall down my cheeks.  
  
If only I was as good at decieveing myself as I was at games.  
  
~But I need you now  
I need you now  
I need you now  
I need you baby~  
  
~I didn't want to need you, no no  
I didn't want to need you, no no  
I didn't want to need you, no no  
I didn't want to need you, no no~  
  
~I didn't want to need you, no no~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-I know, I know...very very short....I tried to make it as long as I could though. Sorry if this chappie sucked...I re-wrote it a few times and I'm still not completely satisfied with this chappie, however it is better then the rough-drafts before it...If its *really* that bad I'll take it down n' re-write it...Review onegai:)  
  
Ja Ne 


	3. It's Easier To Run

A.n.-I had pretty much given up this fic...but ya'all were just so encouraging I thought I'd add another chapter. I hope ya'all like it. I may even add more to turn this into a full-blown fic… if ya'all want me to that is^_^. Review onegai^_^  
  
Dedication-R Amythest, Platerair Queen, S.A. Bonsai, Stephanie, Firedraygon97, Mira-chan, Hikari No Yami, Breezy, AngelsKitten, Rose, Anonymous, Karadaki, Ana, White Tiger, Hie449, Bakurasgirl, Random, Yami Kasu, Bronze Eagle, ChiliBird, Lady Yami Bakura, HikariSpirit, Elusitania, Cari Starfire, Kaori the Demented Pocky Stick, Phycho Mime, Guess, Dreamchaser149, Ana, Silver Dragon, Silver Dragon, DemonWingedYamiYugi, Visual Experminets, Lily22, Gin Ryu-Chan, Starkitty, and Ame Tenshi.^_^Thankyou all so much...it is because of you I wrote more to this...ty all of you for your word n' support...it really means a lot to me when ya'all leave reviews^_^  
  
Disclaimer-I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song, "It's easier to run," by Linkin Park.  
  
~It's easier to run, replacing this pain with something numb  
  
It's so much easier to go, then face all this pain here all alone,~  
  
  
  
~Something has been taken from deep inside of me  
  
A secret I've kept locked away, no one can ever see  
  
Wounds so deep they never show, they never go away  
  
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played.~  
  
  
  
The air was hot and heavy around me in this dank darkness that surrounds me. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying not to breathe too deep the stale air that surrounded me. Shadows danced through my vision, a mocking laughter in the back of my mind that never left echoed until my ears nearly bled.   
  
  
  
Diamond red eyes seemed to appear in the darkness. Malevolent and filled with a god-like superiority that made me want to sink into a puddle of liquid if only to escape their paralyzing force. My breath was caught in my throat, my thin body breaking out into a cold sweat.   
  
  
  
"Your fault!"  
  
  
  
The whispered words echoed like a scream through the tunnels. The voice was one I knew as well as any. It was Yugioh's voice, the Yami of one Mutou Yuugi. Shame washed over me like a tidal wave, a self-loathing I could not deny all but poisoned my very being.   
  
  
  
"No..." The word came out in a croak, the tone one of defeat...not defensive...why bother?  
  
  
  
I didn't want to believe it, but it was true. As true as the fact that my Yami ruled the world. It was my fault. All of it. Yuugi was dead because of me, and as a forfeit, all of the powers in the puzzle, including the ageless Pharaoh within, were all my Yami's. My fault the world had been plunged into an eternal darkness. All mine.   
  
  
  
Who had awoken the dark fiend from his eternal sleep? Me. Who had defended him against Yuugi-tachi? Me. Who was it that had shamelessly loved his other half and had been blinded to the fate that would befall the world? Me.   
  
  
  
All my fault. All of it...  
  
  
  
I loved him then, I love him now. I should be hated for that. Cast away and scorned for it. Because of me...Yuugi...Yuugi...Yuugi...sweet innocent, kind Mutou Yuugi. Eyes of amythest but never as hard staring blankly up, mouth frozen open in a cry of absolute horror and agony for what his Yami couldn't protect him from. For aiding the death of such an angel I deserve nothing but damnation.   
  
  
  
I don't know what my Yami did with Mutou Yuugi's soul. I know he teared it from his body, but whether he crushed it or sent it to the Shadow Realm I don't know. I don't want to. My soul is dirty enough without adding more to it.   
  
  
  
"How could you?!" The accusation stabbed at my very heart.   
  
  
  
It was the voice of Katsuya Jounouchi. Another whom was killed during my Yami's rampage to power. I remember seeing his mangled body on the ground on the sidewalk, neck twisted at an odd angle, eyes wide open and sightless, crimson trickling out of his mouth and his white shirt dyed a Christmas red from his blood. And cradling the lifeless body in his arms was one Kaiba Seto, the acclaimed man of pure ice was crying buckets, his hard eyes soft with sorrow and grief as an inhuman howl had left his lips.   
  
  
  
Yami had left Kaiba to mourn over his dead lover's body without a word. He'd always hated Kaiba, putting him through pain of any kind had kept my Yami on a high for several days. He'd stolen the Sennen Rod from Ishtar Malik, who had run away not long after me. Yami hadn't killed the Egyptian boy for reasons I didn't understand; just as I didn't understand why he let me live.  
  
  
  
He lived under here with me, ranting and raving as he ran down the hallways. I saw him sometimes, hiding in the darkness with a hungry look in his eyes. He loved me and hated me. He sometimes attacked me when he caught me asleep because he confused me with my Yami. Poor boy had gone completely mad without having his darkness near him. Whatever edge he had on sanity during battle city was gone now...  
  
  
  
I squeezed my eyes tightly together, trying to banish the memories that stirred inside of me. Against my will they rose in pure defiance, giving me a perfect reminder of all I had helped cause.   
  
  
  
"It wasn't my fault..."  
  
  
  
"Yes it was. You could have stopped it," Yugioh said coldly, his voice forcing me to open my eyes.   
  
  
  
He was kneeling in front of me, his wild tri-colored hair waving in an invisible wind. Burning lava eyes assaulted me and I shrank back. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew he wasn't really there. That I was hallucinating from lack of water and food. But that didn't matter to me. At this moment, he was as real as I was.   
  
  
  
"No...no...I couldn't..." I glared, a sudden burst of fury exploding in my chest, "What about you? The Almighty Pharaoh? The 'Game King!' Why didn't YOU stop him?"  
  
  
  
"I tried. You let him kill Yuugi."  
  
  
  
"You didn't protect him," I countered.  
  
  
  
He tried to slap me then, but his hand passed right through my cheek to the other side. He laid one last smoldering gaze on me before fading away. It was a valid question. Why didn't Yugioh stop my Yami? Why? He was the Game King after all. I smirked, feeling a slight piece of pride bubble up. But my Yami was better. The Greatest Tomb Robber that ever lived. Strong, cunning, intelligent, cutthroat when he needed to be, so cruel, he was kind even.   
  
  
  
I rested my head against my knees. I felt so empty, every secret I held dear back then was shoved in sunlight just before the end came. I loved my Yami...he probably knew it too, though I tried to hide it I'm sure he did. My love for him was a secret that I held deep inside, something that was not meant for anyone to know.  
  
  
  
I'd sit in class, barely paying attention to the teacher, and stare at Mutou Yuugi out of the corner of my eye. Watch how his eyes glazed over and his lips quirked into a soft smile. I knew he was in love with Yugioh and that Yugioh loved him back. I knew they were together and didn't have to hide. And Gods damn me for it, I'd hated them for that. Hated that they could show their love while I had to hide mine in darkness.   
  
  
  
Hell, they condemned Malik for falling for Ishtar, what would they do to me? They thought my Yami was the devil yanked down just to make their lives a livening hell. I suppose they were right about that, but still...it wasn't fair. Still isn't fair. All the same, I didn't want anyone to know of my feelings. For fear my fantasy would be ripped to shreds.   
  
Yami didn't...love me. He cared about me, I know he did...but he didn't love me...I know that, and I even accept it, besides...as long as I can love him...that's enough for me. It really is.   
  
  
  
~If I could change I would, take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would.~  
  
  
  
~If I could change I would, take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
I would take all my shame to the grave…~  
  
  
  
~It's easier to run, replacing this pain with  
  
something numb  
  
It's so much easier to go, then face all this pain  
  
here all alone~  
  
  
  
Live in darkness, hide and weep...live and die, sleep and dream. That's all I've left. Why bother to believe there is anything really left for me? It's easier to hide, easier to dream rather then face this forsaken reality. Sometimes I sit here and dream of the way it was before. When my Yami was scheming to get the Sennen Items, when I was just Yuugi-tachi's loner friend that they sometimes brought into their group.   
  
  
  
A hot blush of shame took my cheeks and I ducked my head down. I was desperate for their friendship, and probably showed it clearly. I was lonely, even with my other half tied to me. I wanted love, affection...I wanted to know that someone cared. Yami...he cared. Slightly, as far as in need of a vessel...but...no...no that's wrong. I can't...I won't believe that. I won't believe I was just a body for him. I had to have been something, maybe not much, but *something.*  
  
  
  
I sighed, tightening the hold of my legs to my chest. I remember...all the nights he and I spent together...I keep each one locked away in my tear frozen heart. The way he looked with the thrall of pure unbridled passion across his face, the way those dark onyx brown eyes had been so warm and alive, the way his perfect body had felt against me...those are moments I will never forget. Because...for those few hours, he was mine and mine alone. There was no fear of his plots for the Sennen Items...no worrying whatsoever. He is mine and I am his, even if he doesn't know it yet.  
  
  
  
Those moments...they make up more to me then you'd believe...not to say it blocks out my regrets. Regrets...gods I've so many of those...not just what happened to Jounouchi-kun 'n' Yuugi-kun...'n' Malik-chan...there are so many others. Things I need naively in the name of love. Deaths that were caused by me because...because I couldn't bring myself to betray my Yami.   
  
  
  
The time in Duelist Kingdom doesn't count. I had no choice then. If...if my Yami had lost the duel, he'd have been sent to the Shadow Realm and I'd have been stuck in a card forever. Did the Pharaoh ever think about that? No, of course not. Did he ever think how I would feel if my Yami was ripped from me? No. Because, as long as his precious little Hikari was okay then the rest of us could go to hell. What was I to Yugioh? I was just the Tomb Robber's Hikari, a baka boy whom had released his immortal foe into the mortal realm. Who had ruined his plot to forever incarcerate my other half.   
  
  
  
Oh, I knew that Yugioh had been the one to seal my Yami. That he had done it out of rage and hate, that Yugioh was not some brave Pharaoh that sacrificed everything to save the world from the Shadow Games. I learned from my Yami's memories (he'd allowed me access to some of them) that Yugioh's rein was the most horrendous in history. That he had been the most blood thirsty Pharaoh to ever rule, that his doings had even been tried to be erased from Egypt's history. But such heinous crimes are never truly forgotten. The tablets Isis showed Yugioh during Battle City are proof of that.   
  
  
  
~Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past  
  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have  
  
Sometimes I think of letting go, and never looking back  
  
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past.~  
  
  
  
~If I could change I would, take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would.~  
  
  
  
~If I could change I would, take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
I would take all my shame to the grave.~  
  
  
  
I looked up sharply at drunken footsteps made their way toward me. I saw him then, platinum hair falling in dirty waves around his sweaty face, eyes of lavender insanity meet my own. His face looked worn and drawn, utter sorrow echoed through it. I rose slowly, staggering as my vision wavered. I couldn't remember the last time I'd ate. But that didn't really matter.   
  
  
  
Malik stumbled over to me, confusion crossing his exotically beautiful face before a dawning understanding. His body lost its tenseness as he made his way over to me and wrapped his arms around me, a choked sob escaped his lips as he clung to me like a life line. Maybe to him I was.   
  
  
  
"He's g-...gone..." he said, his tone broken and defeated.   
  
  
  
"I know..." I said softly, wrapping my arms tightly around him.   
  
  
  
I felt so angry at myself for causing Malik this sorrow. He needed his other half like air. And because I'd protected my Yami, the flamboyant Malik I'd loved like a brother was gone. So many prices are paid for falling in love with your darkness. The dependence of being with him, the destruction to the lives of others you'd held dear.   
  
  
  
I tightened my grasp around the broken Egyptian and let out a short gust of air. Its times like these the weight of all I've done rests so heavily on my shoulders. If only...I'd done things different. Maybe none of this would have happened. But...to betray my Yami? Even now, looking at all the horror my loyalty caused, I know I couldn't do that. To betray him...it would be too much.   
  
  
  
So I carry the burden of his sins, because in the end I am his Hikari...the one who should have balanced him and I didn't...so in the end, all of this is my doing. Malik's tears are caused because of me. Yuugi's soul was torn from his body because of me. Jounouchi Katsuya was killed...because of me. My Yami wasn't the one that was at fault, but me.   
  
  
  
All of it.  
  
  
  
~Just washing it aside, all of the helplessness inside   
  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
  
It's so much simpler then change~  
  
  
  
~It's easier to run, replacing this pain with something numb   
  
It's so much easier to go, then face all this pain here all alone~  
  
  
  
~It's easier to run...~  
  
  
  
I pulled away from Malik suddenly, raiseing my hands from his waist to his shoulders. "We have to leave, Malik," I said  
  
firmly.  
  
  
  
He looked so lost, so confused at my words. Not understanding why I would say that. Where could we go? What chance had we of surviving out there? Not much at all really. But we had no choice. I couldn't stay here anymore. Having my other half so close...but I can't touch...don't deserve to touch...I just can't take it.   
  
  
  
It's always easier to run then to stand ones ground and take the pain. It's so much simpler just to run and run and run until your lungs want to burst. I had to leave here, let go of it all and never look back...but never move too far forward so I'd have no more regrets...not more blood to lay on my hands.   
  
  
  
I grabbed Malik's wrist and leaned down to grab the two jugs of water I kept near by. Holding them tightly I released Malik and threw a blanket over him and myself before taking his wrist again. We traveled through the tunnels then, him following me with blind loyalty. Like I'd held for my Yami almost.   
  
  
  
I don't belong here any more, and keeping Malik here with me so close to the Sennen Rod that probably held his other half still was driveling him further and further into the madness. Eventually, he wouldn't knowthe difference between my Yami and me...he would kill me or Yami...though I'd rather the former I can't take the chance. I have to get him out of here...and myself. It's better this way. I can try to take back all the pain that I gave.   
  
  
  
I want to heal these broken wounds inside, I want to feel again...and making Malik happy can do that for me. And...despite all I feel for Yami...I'm probably just annoying him by staying so close. Our seeing each other the night before had most likely angered him. He will waste no effort in searching for me in these grounds. And though I want to be near his side, I can't just leave Malik alone like that...I'm all he has left in this forsaken reality. I can't leave him to the monsters of his creation.   
  
  
  
I will never know myself until I do this. I will never feel anything ever again if I stay here. I will become a shadow, a nothing, and Malik...Malik will waste away...I can't let that happen. He and I traveled through the tunnels most of the night until I found an exit that was outside the grounds. Climbing out I grabbed a dirty Malik by the arm and lifted him out as well. Not to say was I wasn't just as filthy. But that was a good thing. We both had a lesser chance of being recognized covered in this grime...or mistaken for someone else for that matter.  
  
  
  
I covered my head with the large blanket, wrapping it around so it covered half my face and all my hair, I did the same to Malik. We wandered away from the castle until we reached a merchant's bazaar. I was praying that was open at this hour of night. It was pitch black except for the moon and stars above, the cold air ruffled my robes that I had stolen from the Castle a few years earlier.   
  
  
  
As luck would have it, one was open. Barely. It was then I realized I had nothing to pay for what I need. I looked over at Malik. He was still wearing his gold earrings and necklace, along with the bands of gold on his arm and forearm and he had an ankle bracelet on each ankle. The bracelets were beautiful, pure silver with little gems hanging off it.  
  
  
  
"Malik?" I questioned.  
  
  
  
He looked up at me, "Nani?" he said softly, he looked and acted so child like when the anger and utter hatred wasn't ripping through him. Moments like these were rare.   
  
  
  
"I...I need to have one of your ankle bracelets...it'll help us get some quick supplies to get out of here."  
  
  
  
He moved away, "No..."  
  
  
  
"Malik...onegai? Don't you want to get out of here...away from...*him*?"  
  
  
  
He nodded slightly, "Yes..."  
  
  
  
"Then I need one of them..."  
  
  
  
He pouted sadly but gave me one without further protest off his left ankle. I thanked him warmly and took his arm in mine as I approached the merchant. He was a tall man with thick black hair and his skin tanned to red from the sun. His face was old and hard, his black beady eyes fixed on me like a wolf would a sheep. I narrowed my eyes slightly.  
  
  
  
"I need black dye and some bread, do you have it."  
  
  
  
He stroked his chin like he had a beard, "Maybe. How much you got?"  
  
  
  
I held up the bracelet, "This."  
  
  
  
Interest flared in his eyes but he tried to cover it, "Just that tiny thing? That's not even worth half of what you want costs."  
  
  
  
I narrowed my eyes till they were nearly closed, forcing a murderous look my Yami would have been proud of. "I know full well it's more the enough. Either you give me what I want now, or I'll go to another."   
  
  
  
"W-wait! Alright," he grumbled under his breath and got a bottle of black dye out along with a single bag of bread.  
  
  
  
I shook my head, "Five bags or no deal."  
  
  
  
"That's outrages!" he shouted.  
  
  
  
"Fine. I'm sure the others will be fine with it." I started to walk away, tucking the bracelet under my arm.  
  
  
  
"Okay! Four bags!" he said quickly, halting me with his voice.  
  
  
  
I looked at him. "Then a jug of water to go with the four bags."  
  
  
  
His face had darkened to a near purple but he finally nodded his head, "F-fine." He got out a jug of water and a few more bags of bread to go with the dye.   
  
  
  
I looked behind him. "You have a spare camel by chance?" I questioned.  
  
  
  
He shook his head quickly, "No! I do not. Take your things and get out of here."  
  
  
  
"I need a bag then."  
  
  
  
His lips were in a snarl and I knew I was really pushing it now. Still he put them all of it a sack for me and held them out. I reached for them but he pulled away.  
  
  
  
"Bracelet first, then your stuff."  
  
  
  
I smirked knowing his game. Let him have it 'n he wouldn't give us our things. "Lay them down and you get it."  
  
  
  
He cast me a suspicious look but did so. I laid the item down and grabbed the sack before walking away, feeling the gleeful smile of the man as I walked.   
  
  
  
I was leaving here. Malik and I were finally leaving...I just hoped I wouldn't come to regret this...When we were far enough for the merchant I rearranged our things in the sack so the water was on bottom and the bread on top. I didn't want it crushed or anything. I tied the top shut and took Malik's hand in mine.  
  
  
  
I wandered around until I found some camels tied to a wood pole, fortunately the guard supposed to be protecting them from thieves, like Malik and I, was snoring loudly.   
  
  
  
Grinning I untied one of them and helped Malik onto it, I then untied another and got on as well. Setting our stuff together in front of me and securing it with a rope I'd gotten off the camel, I looked over at Malik.  
  
  
  
"Lets go," I whispered.  
  
  
  
And with that we took off, riding out of the bazaar without a single glance back.  
  
  
  
~If I could change I would, take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would.~  
  
  
  
~It's easier to run...~  
  
  
  
~If I could change I would, take back the pain I would  
  
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would  
  
If I could stand up and take the blame I would  
  
I would take all my shame to the grave.~  
  
  
  
A.n.-What did you think? I hope ya'all like this...^_^Gomen for the wait...I didn't really mean to make ya'all wait so long! ^_^If ya'all still want more...I'll try never ta make ya wait that long^_^. 


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